Just Blank

Blank...Sleep....Blank....Something that has to be done....Blank.....and I don't feel like it.

My brain right now.

I don't know why I am so tired and uninspired but I am. I am doing so many projects and things and I seem to be losing my passion. Everything matters but it doesn't. I feel numb to everything but being in love. That is nice but at the same time the rest of life seems to be sleeping on the side. All I want to do is be under the covers with my Bug and close out the world.

Fortunately I am going to the Key West tomorrow. Life makes sense when you take road trips...

Meanwhile I will be sitting here doing work....blank....daydreaming about taking a nap....blank

My voice is rebelling against me....
It has been shaking when I speak in public. Actually when I speak for more than one sentence at a time. I was considering that maybe it was the caffeine but that doesn't seem poetic enough for me.
Somebody said that I may be repressing something...It sounds likely. I don't know what it could be...It seems that my body is telling me I need to be more artistic. Maybe I am not using my voice for the words that need to be said. The reason I know this is that it doesn't shake when I sing or scream...

Yesterday I disocovered an art project called postsecret. You send in an a postcard with something you have never told anyone. I think it is an amazing project and got me thinking about all the ways that we don't communicate honestly with others and ourselves. I want to use my voice...but I want it to be meaningful...I think its time to create something.

Day two Part one

Okay so back to the trip...

I am forgetting details sigh. I will have to include some pictures to be my witnesses.

Day Two
We got up earlier than I ever get up in Mexico (around 8) and laid around for a while until we started getting ready for our day. First we went to this play in Coyoacan to eat breakfast. They have wonderful Tacos and Quesadillas that are so amazing and delicious. weeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I really love that place.

Coyoacan is a little city that is now part of the biggest city. See mexico city used to be smaller, but its appetite is amazing. Coyoacan and many other little towns around the city were used for weekends. The city grew and grew and started eating the cities around it and now it is part of the city. It is a very nice little area with some cobble stone streets and nice classic architecture. It is also where the hippy market is. I love this place. We walked around the market for a while and went into the church of coyoacan.

The Ocean

there was this girl
and she was water
and that was you
you were this girl
and i travelled
the rain in order to enter you

transparent
but hard to see through
i came onto into around through
in the darkness
with the moon as my witness
of the deep that was waiting beyond us

i found this water
nobody knew
i found this ocean
and it was waiting
inside of you

now i am this mermaid
now i am your siren
you hear me singing
and think me the temptress
when you are the air
i live in

Garden of Weeds

I interrupt this voyage to bring you some other thoughts. ...Why not?
See I think I am going to fall of course (off course). How can I be relating the past and avoiding the present.? If I stay there I will be constantly telling you my past.
I need to move forward I think...
Well this is as forward as I get right now. I am at a turning point in my life...(Don't be surprised. It happens about every three months) I am a creature of exaggerated changes. Many of them are not seen. I go through entire revolutions of thought and feeling in my head before I say hello in the morning.
Mexico is also a breeding ground for my revolutions. It is the place that makes me certain of the things that I love and the person I want to be. It is there that I admire who I am and what my life is about. This trip had some interesting surprises that made me realize that it is not necessarily others, who I thought were my glue, that made me feel this way. It is the environment of necessity, honesty, art, creation and hunger that makes my soul wake up. Here I am telling you the past again...
Write now I take my life with hope....as I do....many days. I start over again today. I am in love with the idea of hope. I have been told most of my life that I am in love with being in love....(which I find somewhat ridiculous of a statement but understandable) Actually I am in love with hope and the idea..I am in love with formulating an existence out of something you do not know or understand..... Something that isn't born until you conceive it. When it does exist you find it fooled you because it was another color and another smell, like a dream with a different outcome in every corridor. This isn't the point though...The point is in opening your eyes everyday and looking for a new dream to inhabit.
If you are a child of change, the only thing to do is live comfortably in the changes and grow stability like a garden outside of your heart...unless you can take the heartbreak of falling just for the rush...I like my garden..even if the weeds are taller than I am and aggressive..They also have flowers and ideas...They survive.

Day one Part two

I better get on this. Beside the pictures we took the memory is fast fading. I wonder why this is. It seems like things slip from their places in my mind quicker. I think it is an emotional link. Everything seems to be fading...

Back to Mexico

We arrived in Moo and Christian's house which is very nice. It is a home away from home with a beautiful, if aloof, cat named Lukas. We got settled in and got ready to leave again because there was going to be a dinner and we would meet our friends there soon. It was a nice moment to come home with my cousin and show my Bug the place where I have spent so many creative and escapist moments. It was also a bit surreal to get there and not have to call her. I am sure Moo is very happy with his phone bill.

We freshened up a bit and went downtown to Cafe Tacuba. This is a place that I really like. It serves traditional Mexican food. It is a tad expensive and touristy and the singers are quite annoying since they don't thing your conversation should stop them from singing and playing in your ears. The food is amazing and delicious. We met up with Christian and his friend who had come back from Riverdance. We also met Lalo, one of my best friends, and my king. We ate delicious enchiladas and had some Jamaica water, which is my favorite. It is a flavor that is made into tea it comes from a flower. The conversation was nice and the translation was almost effortless. We laughed and talked about our plans. I don't remember exactly what happened after that but we made it home and hung out for a moment before going to bed and resting after a long day of travel.

Day one Part one

My bug and I boarded a plane after riding over to Miami with my aunt Patricia and having a little sandwich in the terminal. We were very very early (which was great no lines) and the flight was delayed an hour (not so great, seats not so comfortable). I slept on the little terminal chairs and was soon on the plane looking out the window.

After a three hour flight in which I did my best to sleep on her shoulder without hurting my neck we got off of the plane and walked briskly through the mexico city airport. the doors to the international entrance in the airport are fogged glass so that you can't see who is on the other side. every time the door opens you see a sea of faces waiting for their loved ones.

There is a button one pushes at customs. there is stop light mechanism that will flash green if you can go and red if you are going to get searched, your things taken out of your suitcase in front of everyone. i got red and my bug green. normally it freaks me out because i am a horrible packer and all of my things are spilling out of the seams of my suitcases. This time holi packed my bag and there was not problem because everything was nice and neat and ready to go.

Do to my unpacking-packing dilemma i had my attention sidetracked and away from the door. holi saw my moo first, waving and smiling. we walked around the crowd and found my very huggable cousin. we took a taxi that was coning us and then not coning us and had a pleasant conversation on the way to the moo-chris house.

My poor blog is in such a state of disrepair. Sigh.....
I was in Mexico. My problem is how do you write about such a beautiful experience. In the airport with my aunt I did a speed talk thing. First we did this then this then ......
I don't want to do that because the whole experience was so rich and full of details which I misplaced the talent to describe. Either way I need to start somewhere and here is where....