This may be a very unpopular post. I feel like I am alone in the sentiments I am about to express. I do feel the need to pour them out because they are trapped in part of me that finds it more and more difficult to understand people.
Lately I have been very alienated. I have had issues relating to many people. One of these issues is lust. I am a pretty sexual person but lately I have understood lust less and less. By lust I mean the physical lust and sexual want that people seem to have for glossy ideals of beauty. I feel like everywhere I go I see someone else worshipping another idealized model of a fake reality. I constantly hear people talking about how much they want that star or this model. I don't feel that.
It isn't like I haven't. I had my shares of Katherine Moennig, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp moments but they are dwindling and dying out. I don't know what it is exactly, aside from a repulsion that comes from a society that only recognizes physical features as important and the constant pressure society puts on women to be one of these icons of a stylized beauty that doesn't exist in nature. I feel angry about it.
Attraction to me has its physical aspects. I enjoy the beauty of women and men. I enjoy looking at the way someone's eyes sparkle or the way their hair falls over their face. What I don't like is the fact that people seem to just see a picture or some Hollywood movie and engage as if it were some sort of love affair. It seems that people hardly recognize the amazing attractions that come from ideas and movements and chemistry. It seems like people don't notice things in people like the way their hearts and energies move their mouths or their fingers. How could they when the people they are watching don't even exist in their own lives.
Maybe it is just one more thing that is disconnecting us from ourselves and each other. I am not sure but I just can't seem to relate.